Totally Metal Jacket, Dude!
by The-Musical-Lone-Wulf
Summary: In the quaint suburb of Kelecia in southern orange county some hippes, anarcists and other such radicals have been drafted for veitnam, they choose to go with it, but have some 'fun' on the way Full Metal Jacket


Here's Kassie and Mine first attempt at a Full Metal Jacket parody

Chapter 1 Painful Begining

Natalia strolled into the camp, her attire now a pair of torn jeans and a tight black tank top. She had her hair pulled up into a pony tail and her tank top lifted slightly so her stomach was showing. She looked around the camp and stopped, was this really boot camp? It didn't look like much, and she'd probably be bored to death.

Kam walked off the bus with his gunny sack full of clothes, toiletries and notebooks full of poetry slung over his left shoulder

"This place looks like a Panzer full of hippies exploded" he muttered as he bumped into a much smaller Latino female

"I'm sorry"

"Watch it," Nat hissed, whipping around to see who had run into her. She looked him over from top to bottom, finally determining that he wasn't a threat for the time being. She didn't want her weakness to show, especially since she was a girl.

Mia walked off of a different bus for the medical crew, looking around hesitantly. The nursing school was located next to the actual boot camp. She flipped a strand of her blonde hair away from her face, shifting her bag to her shoulder.

"H-h-h-hi" Kam said blushing as he walked up to Mia with a slight manly strut

"Hello," Mia greeted as she smiled to him,

"Some boot camp huh? I'm Mia." She introduced, holding out a hand to him.

"I'm Kam" he choked out as he shook her slender and dainty hand with his sweaty and callused one

"Nice to meet you," Mia smiled to him, shaking his hand gently,

"Are you a knew recruit?"

"Not by choice" Kam muttered as he pushed back his hair to reveal his scar and eye patch

Mia noticed his scar and bit her lip. She didn't want to say anything, and looked away.

"Draft I take it? I just volunteered for the nursing, they needed more nurses." She looked back up at him with a faint smile.

"I'll probably be seeing you allot then" Kam joked darkly as he walked away

"I hope not," Mia chuckled, turning the other way. She didn't want to see him get hurt, but she also still wanted to see him.

Nat was sitting on the steps in front of her cabin, looking off towards the ground. This place was so boring, and nothing was happening. She picked up a rock and tossed it out into the open, not caring who it hit.

Kam had just passed the Nurse's camp when he got hit in the head with a large rock, knocking out a couple teeth, making him bleed quite a lot and knocking him out

Mia heard something hit the window, and looked out to see it was a rock. That was strange. She looked outside and surely enough saw Kam on the ground, and there was blood. She panicked and ran outside, kneeling down beside him. This didn't look good at all. She carefully hoisted him up so she was leaning on her shoulders and dragged him inside, laying him down on one of the beds.

"Wow...first day," she mumbled, fetching some cotton wraps. He tended to his teeth and head wound, making sure the blood was getting under control.

"Kam? Can you hear me?"

Kam was out cold and that last thing he recalled was his conversation with Mia

Mia carefully finished up his wounds with bandages, cleaning them out as well. She sat down on the bed beside him and gently placed her hand on his arm. Now all she had to do was waiting until he woke up.

Kam was barely breathing when he rolled off the bed and cracked his head on the floor

"Oh no," Mika said quickly, rushing to the floors. She helped him back onto the bed once more, minding his head. She cleaned the new wound and bandaged it.

"You're just an accident waiting to happen, aren't you?" She huffed, giving him a shot to help with the pain.

About half a day later Kam began to awake, but he was seeing triple

Mia noticed movement from Kam's bed and quickly rushed over.

"Hey," she said quietly to him, checking his pulse quickly,

"Do you know who I am?" She was checking for any brain damage of any sort, and looked directly at him.

"Yes, but who are the other two?" Kam asked, not realizing that he and Mia were alone

"Other two?" Mia questioned, looking around her,

"We're alone honey..." She looked him over, then realized he must had been seeing double of everything,

"Your eyesight might just be a little fuzzy." 

"I taste blood" Kam said before spitting out a large amount of the red liquid

"Yeah, you lost a few teeth so that may be happening a lot until it heals over," Mia told him, handing him a glass of water,

"Try drinking that, it will help." She gave him a sympathetic look, doing everything in her power to make him feel well.

"Okay, but I think I broke my nose" Kam said as he began to sip the water

"Alright, I'll look over it," Mia nodded, bringing her face in to examine his nose.

"Yeah, but just a little," she breathed, then touched it slightly,

"Does that hurt?"

"Y-yeah" Kam said just before sneezing blood across the room

Mia backed off slightly, and then fetched some bandages.

"It's going to be okay, broken noses usually heal fairly quickly," Mia smiled, bandaging over his nose just enough to make sure it didn't move,

"It might hurt for awhile, but the pain will go away." She smiled and kissed his forehead softly,

"A kiss always makes it better, non?' She laughed slightly, backing away from him once more.

Kam blushed as he began to get up, but couldn't seem to get his footing

"Are you sure you're feeling alright?" Mia asked, assisting him in standing up,

"Just take it easy, I can explain to your captain that you were injured." She nodded, taking his arm in an attempt to balance him.

"If missing teeth, a broken nose an a slight concussion count as injured then yup" Kam laughed slighting, resulting in him choking on a mouth full of his own blood

"I think so," Mia nodded, then held out a cup to him,

"Here, try coughing up as much as you can, it'll help." She told him reassuringly, keeping a hand on his back.

Kam then spit in the cup and it was soon full of blood

Mia took the cup and dumped it out,

"Maybe you should stay here and rest some more..." She suggested, setting it down,

"I can't let you go out there and hurt yourself more."

"Do you think I wanted that rock to hit my face?" Kam muttered before lying back down

"No, of course not," Mia laughed slightly, sitting back down beside him,

"Maybe it was just bad luck after all."

_'I think I'm in love with this woman'_ Kam thought as he fell back to sleep

Mia smiled and saw that he had fallen asleep, so she got up off the bed carefully to prepare some medication just in case he needed some.

Nat on the other hand was still sitting on the porch, refusing to get up and actually do some work. She looked around, not realizing her rock had actually hit someone, and shrugged to herself.

Damien walked past Nat, not even looking at her, on his way to the barracks

Nat raised an eyebrow at the man passing by, but shrugged it off. If she needed something from him, she would just seduce him; men were the easiest that way. She layed her head back, wondering if women got their own cabins, but then again, she was probably the only woman. She sighed and stood up; slinging her bag over her shoulder to find a drill sergeant she could ask about her rooms. She soon spotted on; not knowing it was Walter, and tapped his should from behind.

"Excuse me, could you tell me where the women's Barracks are?" She asked as sweetly as possible.

"What women's barracks, you're the only female who signed up for boot camp" Shark said flatly before walking away

"Ugh, well fine then," Nat growled, adjusting the bag on her shoulder. She could tell he wasn't the friendliest, and quite frankly, she didn't care. She turned on her heal and headed to the barracks. She walked inside, looking around and sighed. She just hoped no one would pay attention to her, and the showers weren't communal.

When she walked into the barracks she saw the opposite was true

"Ugh, I hate this place already," she muttered, avoiding all eye contact with the men. She put her bag on the top bunk of a bed and looked through her things, making sure she had everything. She ignored the wolf-whistles and cat-calls, ready to slap anyone who touched her.

"Can you wait for shower time, 'cause I can't" one recruit said mock-seductively as he fondled her from behind

"Lay off!" Nat hissed, whirling around to face him in a second. She wasn't going to take this, and glared at him angrily.

"Dude, that's not cool" Damian said as he tied to pulled the guy off of Nat but he got punched in the gut by the guy harassing her that he blacked out

Nat noticed Damien stepping into help, and growled when the guy had punched him. In response, she took her own fist and punched him across the jaw, more powerful than you would expect from a girl.

"I said get off!"

The guy lost half a dozen teeth and spat blood across the room before falling on his face and blacking out himself

Nat smirked and wiped her hands together, not feeling bad for the man in the least. She glared at the others.

"Anyone else have something' to say?" She asked, and then looked down at Damien. She knelt down beside him, shaking him lightly.

"Hey...are you alright?" She asked hesitantly, her personality immediately doing a 180.

Damien was starting to wake up, but he was coughing up blood and having a hard time breathing

Nat sat him so he would choke on his own blood.

"Sounds like you might have a broken rib or to," she muttered, helping him to his feet, "thanks a lot though." She put his arm around her shoulders so he could lean on her if he needed to and led him to the door.

By the time they reached the nurse's area Damien was unconscious again and his face was purple

Mia turned her attention to two soldiers now entering the hospital.

"Oh my, now what?" She asked, helping Damien onto a bed.

"I think he has some broken ribs," Nat nodded, looking over Damien worryingly.

Mia nodded and tended to Damien, lightly cleaning his mouth first and then bandaging his chest.

"He should wake up before long, and when he does give him these," she told Nat, handing her some medication.

Damien layed on the bed, still having a hard time breathing

Nat looked at him worryingly,

"What about his breathing? It looks bad..." She trailed off, taking a seat on the bed.

Mia looked him over,

"Well, I'd have to say it's because of the ribs, just sit him up and see if that helps." She nodded.

Nat help sit him up on the bed carefully.

"If this doesn't work then what?"

"You could try CPR," Mia shrugged,

"But I've seen this before."

Kam woke up and saw that Damien was coughing up blood and his first reaction was to lean over the bed and vomit

"Fantastic," Mia muttered as an assistant came in and cleaned up the mess. She was pleased to see he was awake and rushed over.

"All rested?" She asked, taking a seat beside him.

Nat placed a hand on Damien's forehead, groaning slightly. He didn't look good, but it was because of the broken ribs she supposed.

"Just take it easy..." She told him.

"Please, I can't stand to see blood" Kam pleaded just before puking on Mia

"Um, alright, then I'll help you outside," Mia nodded, shrugging off her uniform jacket that he had thrown up on. She had a white tank top underneath it, so it was alright. She assisted him out of the bed and led him outside.

"Better?"

"Yes, thank you" Kam said as he managed to stand up on his own

Mia watched him closely, making sure he was okay.

"Don't mention it," she smiled, lightly kissing his cheek,

"I'm just glad you're finally awake."

Nat sighed and stared out of the window. She was grateful to whoever this guy was for trying to help her, but that didn't get rid of the fact that she would still have to shower with them. She shook her head and looked back at Damien.

"Do you need anything?" She asked, wondering if he was awake.

"I'm glad too" Kam said Kissing Mia's lips

Damien was still asleep

Mia hesitated slightly, she had just met him. It wasn't like she didn't like him; it was just that she didn't know what to do. She found herself kissing him back for a few moments, then draw away hesitantly.

Nat sighed and decided to look around a little, maybe for something to drug the other soldiers with. She decided against it and checked Damien's bandages instead, making sure they were alright.

"I'm sorry" Kam blushed as he rubbed the back of his head

"No, it's alright," Mia blushed, looking away for a moment,

"I kind of liked it anyway." She admitted with a small laugh. She gently took the back of his head with her hand and brought his head close to hers once more. She gave him a sweet kiss on the lips, savoring it now for the moment.

Kam kissed her back with much passion

Mia kissed him back for a little while more, and then drew away when she ran out of breath. She smiled to herself, her cheeks red.

"That...Was...Won...Derful" Kam breathed, his face now healed, minus a few bruises here and there

"I agree," Mia smiled,

"Now, I propose you go back to your barracks before the drill sergeant gets mad." She smiled, kissing his cheek,

"I'd hate to see you come back here with injuries from him..."

"I love you" Kam said, kissing Mia's forehead before walking back to the barracks

"I love you too," Mia smiled before walking back inside. She walked back over to Nat and Damien,

"Has he woken up yet?"

"No," Nat sighed, looking over to Damien.


End file.
